10 Moon Initiation: Is your desire stronger than your doubt?
Inhabit Your Body: Breath

Meeting Shame and Living to Tell About It

 

What story are you telling yourself about who you are? Who wrote it? Who built the house you live in?

I've been doing some deep inner exploring, and I discovered that I am living in a house built by shame. It was running my life in ways I was unaware of. I share this with you because it's a difficult process, and I want some help. I share it because I know you've got your struggles with shame too. Shame makes us believe we are alone, and we are not alone. We are here together. Shame makes us believe we are unworthy, and we are so worthy!

Here is how it begins:

I rebuke shame!

By rebuking shame, I take it off the throne of my life, where it ruled me.
By rebuking shame, I engage shame in the light.
All my thoughts, actions, desires, and feelings were filtered through Shame.

Shame says, I am unworthy, unlovable, bad, beyond redemption, in need of fixing, and everything I do is wrong, or tainted by failure.

Shame says that my natural response to being alive is wrong.

The Being of Shame is abroad in the world. Shame is a member of my emotional family. Shame holds love at bay with a stiff arm, with such vehemence!

With all the strength of its desire for love, Shame denies loves efficacy to heal it.

What happens when I call shame into the light and wrestle with it? If I do battle with it, I will discover shame is a hydra, growing two new terrifying heads for every one I cut off. Or I will discover shame is the Medusa, who immobilized me, like stone.

No, battle will not defeat shame.

I must be naked and unarmed in the presence of shame. I call it into the light by rebuking its power over me, and I call its name--

Snake breast bowl

SHAME!  You are but one of the many feelings I have been blessed with. You became strong in my life because in your ferocity, you seemed at one time to be a powerful ally. Yet you keep love at bay.

I meet you as a feeling I have.

I see you as a beautiful black and white striped pebble I keep in my medicine bag with other feelings. When I feel you, I will touch that pebble.

Geneen Roth says that "All any feeling wants is to be met with kindness, to be touched."

What if I meet Shame with curiosity?

What is your role, Shame? Are you present to remind me to spend time with my Divine Lover? To return to prayer and ceremony? To anoint myself with Magnificence? To touch my womb, my vulva, and listen to the oracle?

I tremble naked in the light, without the armor, without the masquerade, without the elaborate house--the Stuff of Ego, the detritus of an unfelt life.

Fear nibbles my nipples. I walk, I stand, I walk. I acknowledge that fear too is a feeling. Feelings are not dangerous. They are themselves experiences of life.

I feel.

Do I need to dress myself?
I am clothed in light and Being. I am clothed in rainbow. I am clothed in mud. I am clothed in the hands and kisses of my fellow Beings.

What is Shame when it is met with kindness, and seen, touched, and loved?
It is Magnificence.

I am magnificent because I rebuked shame and called it into the light.

 

 



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