Boundaries are up in my world these days. Clients, friends, myself are all feeling the shock of having boundaries violated in some way.
Some boundaries are hard lines that you do not allow crossing at all.
Some boundaries are frontiers that are areas to explore for growth and adventure and fun.
Some boundaries belong to others in our lives and we learn to respect them as we want to be respected.
Some boundaries are unconscious; sometimes we don’t know they have been violated, we just feel violated, and we think there is something wrong with us because of our feelings. Unhealthy, insecure, or wicked people may take advantage of that.
Some boundaries are conscious, meaning we know what we won’t tolerate and protect that boundary conscientiously, even fiercely.
Boundaries usually mean NO, and boundaries are a prerequisite for YES.
In the Sex, Wealth, and Voice trinity that I teach, boundaries are an aspect of VOICE.
Boundaries require you use your voice to articulate them, first to yourself, and then to others around you.
Boundaries require you to speak up when someone is violating a boundary.
And in many relationships, you have to use your words -- and your voice -- to negotiate the boundaries. It's a vital skill that makes relationships satisfying and fulfilling on every level.
The tragedy is that most of us do not learn to know and own and express our boundaries. Most of us have our boundaries routinely violated from birth in ways that are considered normal socialization. Some of us have our boundaries horrendously violated in criminal, abusive ways, and our journey to wholeness is even more challenging.
A broad definition of boundaries that I like: